Following my Butterflies

Image found on Google

I love quotes and I love images they speak right to the heart of me and help me to process my thoughts.

Some quotes and images lift my spirit and bring hope and inspiration. Then there are others that stop me dead in my tracks and can even cause me to shutdown.

I follow Butterflies

I find that God brings me inspiration, help, healing, guidance and more when I listen and tune into His unique way of teaching me. Butterflies are very much part of who I am and I love what they represent to me. I believe God speaks to each of us in unique and loving ways, He reaches us where we are at. He uses our life experience, hurts, pains, fears, joys, sorrows and times of not knowing to bring us before Him and seek out His comforting peace.

There is a particular image that means a lot to me

I have used it a few times on my posts, I last used it on my poem

“Internal Transformation”

This image turned up as a profile photo on facebook. It was a friend of a friend but the image and the comment left got me curious. Of course my Aspie brain needed to follow the butterfly and the puzzle to the person who would use this image. I felt drawn to her for reasons I can’t understand but I knew it was God’s guiding hand.

My puzzle brain works in pictures

I was curious as this image speaks very loudly to me. I wanted to see who this person is. Why did she stand out? Was she like me and follows butterflies too? This person also had another butterfly on her page. The quote under the image turned my stomach. I didn’t like what I read but I saw that it was speaking to me. It suddenly dawned on me why I can chat with people in my everyday life and be friendly. People seem to like me, but it never goes past surface to become deep meaningful friendship.

Here is the image and quote.

Image found on facebook

I have had this image as my screensaver on my mobile for a week now. I needed to process it, to ponder on it and try to understand my physical reaction to the words.

What I realised is this.

I see people at heart level, I pick up on their pain and confusion and I pray for them. I don’t see drama or games I see God’s children struggling to find who they are and how they fit. I see that most people are hurting and this hurt will show in many ways through what they use to find an escape. Even those who seem happy and put on a good show have got something they hide, we only see what people want us to see but when we look in their eyes we see something else. I think this is one of the reasons that a lot of Aspies struggle with eye contact because we hear through hurting eyes the things that are never spoken.

I also pondered on the fact that most people find me too intense, so a lot of people really don’t know me because I hide a lot of my true self. I know that the way I am is too open and too honest and that can be uncomfortable for many people. So I have to not be my full self but a small amount of me for most of the people in my everyday life.

I am often asked this question

What do they do?

I meet a new person and feel a connection, get excited and chat about my new friend and this is not something I think to ever ask. What do they do? It’s a question that makes me feel abnormal, because I don’t see what relevance it has on who a person is.

Well….they live and move and have their being?

I don’t know, because I don’t ask that question. Also when a person only speaks of their chosen career I feel the heart of that too, some use it as a cover so they only have to be surface. I am more interested in the heart and soul of a person, their ups and downs than how they manage to pay their bills. Their job may or may not come into conversation but I never ask about those type of things.

So this got me to tangent thinking.

Is this why some people have been my friend and then disappeared and broke my heart because my “drama” and my “games” no-longer interested them? I served a purpose in their lives but then got brushed aside. Is it that most people learn surface and gradually get deeper, where as I start deep and scare people away?

Because I think that I must be doing it backwards, but it’s the only way I know.

I thank God everyday for the true friends I have.

The ones who know my heart and my ways and love me just the way I am.

Acts 17:24-28 (NIV)

“The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by human hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else. From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. ‘For in him we live and move and have our being.’ As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring.’

I also wrote a poem that needs to be with this post

After thinking on all these tangent thoughts I did shutdown, it was too much for me to process. Aspies when in shutdown find ways of self soothing. I pray a lot in shutdown and through God’s unconditional love I can find me again through the creativity God gives me. I also have a safe place in my imagination. I see this with all Aspies, our special interests are our friends when we are in the depths of the “Not knowing” and can’t find the words to express. We find our place in time and space within our tangent thoughts.

Link to my poem

Following my Butterflies

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7 thoughts on “Following my Butterflies

  1. Pingback: Following my Butterflies | Listening through the Loops

  2. Leesy,

    You know how much I relate to this post. My own current vulnerabilities, and intense emotions are making my life rather extreme. I am feeling everyone around me and it feels like I am being attacked. It hurts terribly, but I find great comfort and peace in your post. You have done an excellent job expressing what it is like. I am following butterflies too. You are one of them my dear! :-)

    I am the wandering butterfly searching for others to flap my wings with. Hee hee

    I managed to get a comment out in the middle of this shutdown I am in – probably because this post has butterflies and makes me feel safe and understood.

    Love you so much and this post! (I adore your intensity!)

  3. Brilliant post. I share many of these exact same thoughts!!! Especially the eye contact part, and wondering if I’m not playing the game right or enough anymore to be a friend. This year I am finally FINALLY honoring who I am and loving me and not trying to figure out how to please other people. Finally!!! I love the honesty and heart of your words. You are so real, true, and brave in your writing. Clapping for you. Hugs. xoxoxo Sam

  4. I think you’re just fine the way you are, Lisa. You are here by design; a unique and beautfiul example of God’s love and ability, and a tool through which many have learned so many things about life, and love, and God. You touch people through your blog. You’ve touched me, and just like my life is better for knowing you, so are the lives of all those who know you. :)

  5. I agree completely that the heart is more important than what a person does. I love how you follow butterflies. You are a beautiful spirit and I know God uses nature to talk to us. I hear him better in nature than in church.
    Blessing my friend!

  6. Love you just the way you are. You do not play mind games, it’s not in your nature and I feel this quote is intended for those that do, I have met plenty in my life. It is very easy to see quotes in a different context for each one of us. You are very intense but not dramatic. I like intense but not all people do, it is self preservation for some. It’s nice to see you without a brick wall but I still have a roller shutter, which I can bring up or down, for my own safety. Love you xxxx

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