My kids make my heart smile.

*AJ and his lovely girlfriend *A

*AJ is at this moment sitting his last exam at college. At midday today my boy will walk out of that room and will have finished what I see as his schooling. He will start university studying Maths in September. My boy has ALWAYS loved his numbers. I packed him off early this morning with his usual lunch box of sweet and sour chicken with mixed vegetables and brown rice, also his 2 litre bottle of orange squash and bus fare. I sat down with my coffee and thought how quickly time flies. It doesn’t seem that long ago that I was pushing him in his buggy down to my Mom’s house. Wiping his nose for him and helping him to find his words. It doesn’t seem 5 minutes ago that I was sat helping him to do his homework and school projects.

Now the Maths he does looks like an alien language and he talks about history, political views and business studies, things he has an interest in that I know very little about. They are his special interests and I don’t really understand them but I have tears in my eyes writing this because I am so very proud of who he is.

I wrote a poem the day *AJ started college.

I dropped him off at the college gate. Put on the brave face like all us Mom’s do, waved him off smiling, but I could see the apprehension in all his expressions. He was such a skinny kid then, I have that visual playing as a video in my mind. It was before he started his healthy eating and body building plan. I drove away and managed to drive all of 3 minutes before bursting into tears. I pulled over on the side of the road and started to write a poem from my emotions.

This is the poem I wrote.

The College Drive

Posted on July 5, 2010

(Photo, AJ’s 2nd Birthday)

The College Drive.

by Alienhippy

As I drop you off on the college drive

An image I have of you, when you were only two

You were all I had in this world

I would bring you everyday

To play at the nursery

In this place of education

You had nightmares about Baked Beans

I had dreams, that I could better myself

And give you more

Today

I watch you walk through those gates

In your checked shirt and baggy jeans

With your dreams

And a whole lot of living to do

I feel my whole stomach turn

I yearn to hold your hand

I swallow back the tears and my fears

For you

As you walk alone

Into the unknown

“He’s only going to college!”

I tell myself….. over and over and over

I drive home, the tears roll down my face

I look over to the place

Where your baby car seat used to sit

I smile a bit as your smile plays from memory

“Beep Beep, Mommy, Beep Beep!” you say

My little boy with his toy steering wheel

I feel…. pride, joy, sick and overwhelmed

All at the same time

I pull over

“I can cry, I know I can, I have raised a fine young man”

It’s like your first day in reception all over again

I went home and cried beside your toys on the living room floor

“What for…?”

You will understand, when you take the hand

Of your newborn

Only today

I have to let you go……..all by your Jack Jones

You don’t see my reluctance

I hide it with a smile

And for a while I watch you hesitate

Then you go, through the gate

And down the college drive

Head held high

I ask why? Time goes so fast

My boy is so hard working

He is such a good lad, he has been looking for part time work this week. He also starts his driving lessons soon, that’s exciting for him and for me too. He has also said that he will help me with a bit of decorating in the next few weeks. I bumped into his girlfriends Mom at the post office the other day and she was singing his praises, it made my heart smile. He went round and did all the gardening for *A’s Mom. My heart swells with joy at the man he has become. He really does have a heart of gold.

As I read through the posts of my friends

All the wonderful parents out there of kids on the spectrum I can remember those hard days when I was at my wits end. The times he wouldn’t sleep. The times his food was thrown on the floor and up the walls because it wasn’t pizza or spag bol. The times I couldn’t get him to get into the bath and had to physically get in and hold him down to the screams, “Don’t drown me Mommy!” All the times he ran off, once into traffic and I thought I was going to lose him. The time he disappeared in a hospital and we found him in the kitchens of the canteen chatting away to the staff like a little professor. The times I had to throw him over my shoulder to get him through a crowded room. The kicking, slapping and biting because I couldn’t understand his needs. So many times where I felt so out of my depth, lost in being a parent. A single parent for quite a few years and homeless for twelve months. I didn’t know what to do other than pray and my boy always had a smile for his Mommy, even when he had tears.

I believe God helped me

Because as I sat in the quiet held my head in my hands and pulled at my hair, a voice inside gave me hope and it also gave me new ideas, new things to try. I’m so grateful to God that He trusts me enough to raise my beautiful kids. That He gave me the heart to trust in His call and to see my children as the wonderful and precious gifts that they are.

To finish off my post today

A little bit of funny and a heart smile from my *CAL

I shared this on my Alienhippy facebook page yesterday.

The photo is an old one but I wanted you to have a visual of just how original, unique, amazing and precious my children are.

*********************************************************

*CAL…”On Monday it is “Readathon Book Day” I’m going to school dressed as a carrot.”

*ME…”You have a wonderful Pirates costume, you could go as a pirate. How can a carrot be a book character?”

*CAL…”Easy, I’m going to be a book on healthy eating!”

*CAL and *AJ (Carrot and Banana)

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12 thoughts on “My kids make my heart smile.

  1. Your kids make me smile too….as do you. And sorry but I had a little giggle at the hospital story, wouldn’t have been funny at the time but I bet it’s funny to look back at that moment when he was found chatting to the staff. You’re such a wonderful Mum and you have 2 fabulously unique and wonderful kids :)
    love you loads my friend xxxx

    • Oh Jo, I nearly died. He managed to undo his catch and got out of his buggy while I was paying for a cup of tea for me and my mom. We ran round the hospital, such a busy hospital too, both of us were screaming his name. He actually jumped out of the buggy and went under the counter and made his way to the kitchens. Funny now looking back but OMGOSH back then I could hardly breathe, the fear was awful. He did the same in Argos too, I found him on a display cabinet talking to the electrical appliances.
      Love you loads my friend. Leesy. xxx :) <3

    • Thank you my lovely Fi,
      I KNOW you love my kids and they love their Auntie Fi too! :) xx
      I keep looking at the clock Fi, it’s 11:24am now. He’ll be phoning me soon to go fetch him. I hope this exam went well. Business Studies today. He hasn’t been looking forward to this one. I’m sure he will be fine though.
      Different kind of worry when they are older.
      Your beautiful kids remind me of my boy when he was younger.
      You know how much I love your kids too.
      Love you to the moon and back.
      Lees. xxxx {{{{HUG}}}} X

  2. Lees,

    I had tears of happy when reading this post. I love your kids and how unique and awesome they are. Numbers Yay! Healthy Eating Book Yay! Picture awesome!

    Lovely heartfelt poem, so wonderful and hopeful to read your words. I have been elated, shocked, and tearful the last couple of days with Daniel. I couldn’t believe he ate chicken and corn, and then, he started chewing gum! Gum! He would never even consider it, or he would lick it. Today I go to get the results of his reevaluation. I have no idea what he is going to be diagnosed this time, but your words helped me to be flooded with all of the grand progress my boy has made and that he has a very hopeful future.

    I love you Lees, and I love your words that you share. You and your children are the best-est ever!!

    Look you got me all mushy! Now I have to go pretend like I wasn’t crying. :-)

    • I love you Angel and I love that you are all mushy because I am all mushy too!
      YAY!!!! Daniel, so proud of him and you too my lovely friend, I know how HUGE this is for both of you. Praying for Daniel’s reevaluation and your big house move too. You have so much going on right now can’t wait till you are all settled again and we can Skype. :)
      My boy is home now and the Business Studies exam he just had was not as bad as he thought. Only Maths from now on and that is pure joy for my boy…I KNOW you totally relate to him with this Angel. :) Taking him out for a meal now at my favourite little country pub (you know the one) catch you later.
      Love you so very much.
      Leesy. xxx :) xxx

  3. Lees, we are the same age, but my boy is almost six. I was so heartened reading your post and seeing the lovely pictures. I need to have faith and hope. This touched me:

    “The kicking, slapping and biting because I couldn’t understand his needs. So many times where I felt so out of my depth, lost in being a parent.”

    Wow. I understand this! Your post gave me a boost of hope.

    Hugs to you and congratulations!
    Lori

    • Hello lovely Lori, I loved getting your comment it really made me happy knowing that something I have written has brought hope. Everything will be good, just you wait and see. God has got it my friend.
      Love you loads. Lees. xxx :)

  4. Oh, lovely! The photos and poem so touching. I can’t even stand to think about that day…my eldest graduated middle school (eighth grade) yesterday….on to high school for four years, then college….. I love this post, friend. Your big heart and love is so evident over and over again.
    “With your dreams
    And a whole lot of living to do
    I feel my whole stomach turn
    I yearn to hold your hand
    I swallow back the tears and my fears
    For you”
    ^^^ sigh…..so understand. Your poem speaks volumes. Congratulations!!!!
    Hugs and Love xoxoox
    Sam
    Love how God helped you through
    What a blessing you are!!!

  5. It must be the hardest job in the World being a Parent and not something to be taken lightly. Your AJ & Cal are a testimony to what a good job you have done raising them. Am extremely proud of my Family. Love you all loads xxxx

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