My Guardian Angel

Image found on Google (I like the Rainbow colours)

by Alienhippy

If I had my Guardian Angel, whispering in my ear

Speaking only positive things that God wants me to hear

All this fear, anxiety and all this twisted pain

Would not exist, it would be gone, like a child I’d be again

~

As a child I heard, recognised this voice and acted with confidence

I’d smile and sing, laugh and swing and do my happy dance

I get this back occasionally, then it will go away

The darkness comes back, surrounded by black, aloneness calls so I pray

~

But what I need to remember, although I can no-longer see

God sends my Guardian Angel, He whispers softly to me

I only have to listen to what is good, this is my choice

Call out to God, He’ll give me strength to block the nasty voice

~

My God is strong, I’m in his hand, my Angel will always protect

This might seem hard, but with my God these arrows I can deflect

So, I’ll settle down within His arms and know we are NOT apart

I’ll listen for my Angels voice not with my ears but with my heart

Smears on my windows

Image from Google

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,

I cleaned the windows today!

I know it’s SO interesting isn’t it? But before you run off I had a lot of thoughts while cleaning and a lot of clarity to what I have been feeling. So keep reading and I’ll share what I found helpful.

I really love to write

I know that my spelling isn’t great and I’m so grateful that God inspired someone to create spellcheck. Without spellcheck I wouldn’t have the confidence to blog. But even with spellcheck my spelling, punctuation and grammar are not the best. Those of you who have been reading for a while know how I struggle to feel accepted, you know how I fear rejection and also how my Aspergers and dyslexia cause visual loops and an inability to process or even understand at times.

Longing for communication and connection

I feel that everyone longs for connection, to feel loved and accepted for who they are. People on the spectrum are just the same, we may seem to shy away from friendships but that is because we are misread, misunderstood and we see things differently. We can’t always maintain eye contact because we can’t think/understand/process all that information at the same time. Some of us can speak and act really well, so well in fact we look like we fit. However we have this big aching void inside of us because who we really are is trapped and never allowed to be shown.

I am what is called high functioning and I have learned to conform. Only a very few people really know me, my bloggy friends know more about me than the people I see every day. Communication and connection comes easier for me through writing. Only my close family and one friend can cope with me in a meltdown. I have one friend I allow to see me when I am shutdown. I know she understands me, accepts me and loves me for who I am. I feel very blessed to have the family and friends I have.

So back to cleaning windows

My Aspie brain is very good at dictating a post while I’m busy. Cleaning windows is no exception. I’m quite fussy with windows, I wrote a poem about it once.

Here is the link for anyone wanting a giggle.

When I’m cleaning windows

Those who know me personally, know I could NEVER have an iPad or touchscreen mobile because I see every finger print and have to wipe it off. Finger prints and smears really do drive me mad, it seems they become my total focus. I wish I could change it I really do.

I was cleaning my bedroom windows and making sure I had no smears when I realised how focused I was on the glass and not seeing my cat on the fence looking at me. This reminded me of the time when I was in a religious sect and I was so focused on the scriptures, and making people see them as I did, that I didn’t see the people. I didn’t see their hurt, who they were or how they loved. We are all unique and how we love is unique too.

I was speaking with Mr Locoman about this

We talked about a railway group he knows. There are those who go because they have a deep passion for locomotives, and there are those who know a lot about locomotives. Then there are people who want to learn and people who want to share and those who want to feel part of something.

Each person has equal status but sometimes we can be so caught up in the fingerprints we forget to see through the glass.

I’m being abstract but I’m sure someone will understand me.

I cleaned the windows, hubby cleaned the car

I was driving *AJ and *DWKlymax to the gym this evening. It was dark and as I was driving I noticed a smear on my windscreen. For just a few seconds I stopped looking outwards and focused too much on the imperfection. A teenage girl wearing all black walked out into the road. I am so glad I didn’t focus on the smear for too long. I could have ploughed her down.

I know it’s not the same for everyone

For me though, my Bible can be like this. I believe that God’s word needs to be digested by each of His children in the way He gives to them. We are all created differently and we all hear God in the way He choses to reveal Himself to us and in us.

I learned the hard way not to use scripture to put my point across, who am I anyway, I’m just Lisa, we are all just a mist. If God uses me then I feel blessed by that. The scriptures I share on my blog and with friends are those that inspire me or those that have helped me. My opinion or my interpretation of scripture is for me, I share my ups and my downs. I share how God helps me, how He carries me through my dark times and dances with me in my joy.

That’s right, in my understanding

Our Heavenly Father is the bestest Happy-Dancer there is!

In the words of the song that’s looping in my head while I write this post,

“If you could see what I can see when I’m cleaning windows!”

For me I have to read, inwardly digest through prayer and then live life in His unconditional love. Accepting myself with all my imperfections and loving others for who they are. This is far more of a challenge for me than using scripture.

If I focus on Jesus, He will teach me to see through His eyes and He is the true word of God. I’m learning to see through windows in His way, in the time I have here, before the glorious time of being with Him.

Love and hugs friends.

Lisa. xx

I love this song, I know I have shared it before!

Pick up my Cross (Repost)

Pick up my Cross

I wrote this poem over 6 years ago when I was an extremely zealous and also a sometimes religiously self-righteous Christian. I was working through the knot of fundamentalism that was actually making me ill.

I have changed the poem slightly as my faith has matured and my mind has become more open.

I am not a religious scholar, just a girl who enjoys reading her Bible.

I want to share this poem because as an Aspie I can sometimes find it hard to step outside of my own life/thoughts and feelings, long enough to see the needs of others. Having an image in my mind of undying, unconditional love and empathy helps me to be more outwardly focussed.

Before you read this poem, you need to read this.

I understand that the Christian Church is not perfect, I have experienced my share of pain regarding this in both denomination and non-denominational fellowships.

Also…..Religion causes much controversy, as humanity constantly finds ways of disagreeing with itself.

However, I am a simple girl brought up in a simple Christian home. Where I was fortunate enough to be shown empathy and unconditional love.

For these reasons…

• I do not hide my beliefs, as my faith has helped get me through life so far.

• If this poem offends you in any way I am sorry. I am sharing it because I love God and this is my understanding of His love for me. (YOU DON’T HAVE TO READ IT)

• I do not want a theological discussion or religious debate starting on my blog. Any comments left in that nature will be deleted as I feel arguing about doctrine is counter-productive and not really in the true nature of a loving God. (I have had enough pomp and zeal to last me more than a life time.)

Pick up my Cross

by Alienhippy

Is it so hard to not do the wrongs

To give thanks to Jesus, sing Heavenly songs?

To put the Lord first, whatever people say

To pick up my cross and walk Jesus’ way

.

His body was beaten and bleeding

Half dead on the floor He lay

The soldiers just kicked Him and shouted

“PICK UP YOUR CROSS, GOLGOTHA IS THAT WAY!”

.

As He hung on the cross, with love in His eyes

He saw His Mommy and heard her cries

He looked up to Heaven, His Father to see

Crying out, “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?”

(“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”)

.

He chose for Himself to come down to earth

His love was so deep, His blood it was worth

To give me a chance, show me how to live

To give up my sin and my life to God give

So as this is hard, to God I will pray

Then pick up my cross and live through each day

End notes

The use of Mommy instead of Mummy or Mother is for my own benefit. It helps me identify with Jesus having a human Mother that he cared deeply about. In his last breaths His thoughts were of her care.

Did your comment disappear? I’ll explain!

Image from Google

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,

Did your comment disappear?

I’ll explain!

I want to explain what has been happening. This will not apply to everyone but for those who are reading who have had problems commenting I have this post in the form of a letter. I thought it would be easier to share this in this way.

Hello my lovely friends,

I am so sorry that you have been having problems with commenting. I found many comments in my spam and I have decided to hold back, delete or edit the comments I feel are not helpful. I know you love God and are sharing your heart through your conviction. Just as I share how I feel God speaks in me, so have acted on my conviction.

I will explain further

As a Christian I have made many mistakes in my walk with Jesus. One of them has been preaching to those I thought didn’t understand God’s word. I got on my soap box and  I know I have hurt people with this. I also know that my heart was for God and for them knowing the truth as I understood it at that time. The Scriptures had been twisted on me and that was what I understood and also taught. I know God knows my heart and has forgiven me for this. Jesus paid my ransom in full.

On my blog I have blocked many words that I have used in the past to religiously manipulate others into following the beliefs I had. I only had an understanding of the interpretation of scripture I was indoctrinated into. Unfortunately, if your comment disappeared, you used one or more of those words in your comment.

I blocked these words to protect my readers as I want my blog to be a safe place where people feel they can share their stories, faith, doubts and excitement for Christ like little children would. Without having to hold back out of fear, as my closest friend has said to me.

“We need to remain child-like… Children don’t dream of being insignificant!”

I believe my WHOLE theology now is based on Jesus’ words of love and acceptance of ALL people where ever they are Spiritually. The scriptures that I hold in my heart everyday are.

Luke 18:16

But Jesus called the children to him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.

John 15:13

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

John 3:16

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Also my Mom’s last words to us, her three children

“Find Jesus and love one another!”

God’s love is unconditional,

Our walk with Christ is a personal thing and unique to every individual. As a person with an ASD I understand the Church very differently to a NT. Also my understanding of the Trinity is something that I am still learning about. Religious traditions, and theological debate are not something I hold great respect for anymore, as I have wasted so much time trying to prove myself as righteous, but forgetting to love with the heart and seek God’s love for myself and others.

The heart of a person to seek God’s will for them through our Saviour is so very precious and a unique journey for each of God’s children. I believe we need to be respectful and learning from one another, listening to each other and loving with an accepting heart not debating theology.

We are all only human and will all make mistakes.

We all fall short and miss the mark in our sinful nature. I feel it is my duty as a Christian, as an Aspie and as a blogger to hold back words I feel can be of damage to another person seeking our Lord. I know the damage that can be caused by religion and the religious. It took me four years to listen to and accept God’s word after people had polluted my understanding. I pray every day for those I know was on the receiving end of my tongue and Bible bashing.

I never intended to have a Christian blog, my blog happened by complete accident. My personal walk with Jesus is what my life is about so I guess God’s plan was for me to just be me, to share how He guides me through my ups and downs.

I hope you all understand my decision for doing this.

If not please read the following post….“A ranting babble about Churches.”

Alienhippy’s Blog “A place where I can be me!”

This is the choice I have made through prayer, love and acceptance.

I also want my readers to feel they can comment without feeling judged.

Love, hugs blessings and peace to you friends.

Lisa. xx

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends

Happiness in your life, image is a link to fb page.

I am thinking of writing a post, maybe later today, I already have the title. I’m waiting on God to help me find the right words. This could be a tricky one but as we all know the Alienhippy’s Blog is “A place where I can be me!” That’s my ups and my downs, I’m only human also I find that my Aspie way of seeing things is actually helpful when I am open and honest.

When I started this blog I didn’t intend for it to go in a Christian direction. But let’s face it my blog was a total accident and I never thought for a minute anyone would actually read anything I write. I know how much I babble and a lot of my babble is me going around in circles trying to find a way of explaining the loops in my head. I find it very hard sometimes to process and at Christmas there is so much change that processing is not something I have time to do.

The title of my post will be, “Have yourself a Merry little Meltdown!”… hehe, Eeek!

While I’m waiting to find the words

I thought I’d share this poem, I wrote it in November last year but as I have quite a few lovely new readers I would like to share this again.

I was reminded of this poem while reading a post over at Flappiness Is 

Leigh’s sharing is so very inspiring.

Love and hugs my lovely friends.

Lisa. xx

As a child

by Alienhippy

As a child I would call to you, I knew you were always there

I had the words and a way to speak, I understood you’d always care

But as I grew the words got lost, the light then left my eyes

So at the floor I downward looked, I put on a masked disguise

˜

I tried so hard to live like this, to fit and not be seen

A daily battle to wear a smile, In my mind I still had the dream

That one day you’d come and sort me out, and make my life make sense

You’d take away the pain I carry, freeing me from feeling so tense

˜

So you called to me when I was hiding, by this time I didn’t even care

But you pursued and did not give up, knowing I’d meet you there

You took my hand and gently guided, you understood that I was weak

You walked the path and checked the way, giving me the heart to seek

˜

You showed me love when I was alone, and filled my life with hope

Explained the way that I’ve been made, you now teach me to cope

You are my friend you are my Lord, and Autism is part of me

You really love me “JUST AS I AM!” so now I can just be free

My Christmas thoughts, Gift of Prayer

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,

Merry Christmas to all of you. I posted this on Christmas day last year.

I’m posting it again today because I believe this to be the greatest gift.

Love and hugs. Lisa. xx

********************************************************

The greatest gift  you will ever receive,

Is knowing someone who prays for you.

John 3:16-21

New International Version (NIV1984)

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.”

I DON’T like the word “Obsessive”

Image from Google

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,

Look at the word Obsession

(World English Dictionary)

obsession (əbˈsɛʃən)

1. psychiatry a persistent idea or impulse that continually forces its way into consciousness, often associated with anxiety and mental illness

2. a persistent preoccupation, idea, or feeling

3. the act of obsessing or the state of being obsessed

I REALLY DON’T LIKE THIS WORD!

It’s probably just me and my past, but it just seems that sometimes when it is said to me it makes me feel all icky inside, icky and wrong.

I read a quote this morning on a fb pages

I can’t remember which one now but the words stuck in my head. I also read one of the responses to the quote and it made me think how important it is to see who we are in Christ. To try hard to see who God sees in us. Not how we view ourselves, or how those in our lives make us feel about ourselves. This is a very hard balance to find. I believe it can only really be obtained through relationship with God, over time, with maturity. It’s the mark we will always keep missing. God’s love is unconditional we can rest in the blessed assurance of our precious Saviour.

This is what I wrote down, it is what I pondered on and later what I prayed about.

It’s not what we look at, it’s what we see.

We don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are…

All the more reason to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus.

Not knowing why I’m different has caused scars

“We see it as we are…” If you grow up never feeling you belong the world can feel pretty hostile. I learned to see beauty in nature, animals, children, interests, songs and objects. I have always shied away from people and close friendships. I only put myself with groups of people when I knew I could cope. I have learned now to pick these groups very carefully after many bad experiences.

Being an Aspie is a blessing

I don’t always see this so I am writing it down today. I need to be able to remind myself the next time I have been totally overloaded and had to shutdown completely. I see things differently because my brain is wired differently. It doesn’t mean I’m wrong.

People say that Auties/Aspies are obsessive

It may seem this way if that’s what you see, but I want to change that word to passionate.

Obsessive is a negative word in my head it makes me feel that I am wrong, strange, weird, freaky.

I can be very focused, I see things in great detail. If I am interested and care about something or someone I am very loyal, dedicated to that. I very often will miss other things going on that are not interesting to me. In my life I have been made to feel bad for being me, I have been made to feel stupid because I have missed things. To feel I’m a nuisance because I need to communicate in my way.

for instance…

I loved my fish tank as a child, I would sit, focus and learn everything I could about my fishes and my aquarium. Fishes have always been positive in my life and helped me feel happy. While all the girls my age, were watching the Live Aid concert. I was cleaning out my aquarium and listening to it, I had new plants and I created a new environment for my fish. I was totally happy doing this and remember it so very well. When meeting up with these “friends” I didn’t know much about what had happened in Live Aid, I only heard the music. I listened to them all talking and was afraid to say I didn’t watch it, I only listened. I knew how they would all react. I would have been 16 years old and I knew my ways seemed odd to most people.

Now look at the word passion

Passion (from the Ancient Greek verb πάσχω (paskho) meaning to suffer) is a term applied to a very strong feeling about a person or thing. Passion is an intense emotion compelling feeling, enthusiasm, or desire for something.

The term is also often applied to a lively or eager interest in or admiration for a proposal, cause, or activity or love – to a feeling of unusual excitement, enthusiasm or compelling emotion, a positive affinity or love, towards a subject, idea, person, or object. It is particularly used in the context of romance or sexual desire though it generally implies a deeper or more encompassing emotion than that implied by the term lust.

Those who know and love Aspies/Auties

I believe you too will see this, we can’t control our happy-dance, our smiles, our clapping, our over excitement. I believe those who love and accept see how we focus and watch how we learn. I believe you can also see how we shutdown out of hurt, fear, rejection and an intense feeling of overwhelming wrongness that we can’t process.

So you too see through Aspie eyes!

Passion is what I feel towards what I am interested in

I am passionate about my family and as a Mom to understand my kids and be the best I can be for them. I am passionate about my relationship with God and finding His calling in my life. I love my blogs and I get a lot of positive experience from writing.

“Obsessive” seems….I don’t know.

I just know that to me it makes me feel like I’m bad in some way.

I used an apple to describe my brain today

That’s right I had to explain how I think to someone today.

Any other adult Aspie who can relate to this???

I couldn’t use words and I needed something to hold and look at to explain myself. I got two apples out of the fruit bowl and explained what I understand in my way because I hate it when people tell me I am obsessive and they say it in a way that sounds so negative.

Two Apples, this one is Autistic and this one NT…..LOL

Passionate sounds so much better! (Don’t you think?)

What I am passionate about is always at the forefront of my mind, I can’t change that, my brain has ALWAYS been like that. It’s what I call my lovely loop, it’s a very positive loop for me that gives me joy and happiness. It helps me to feel I belong and gives me energy, motivation and confidence. My special interests are part of this loop. When I can feel good about this loop I can feel good about me and then functioning in a normal day and being around people is NOT at all hard.

When I’m made to feel negative about this loop THEN it becomes obsessive because I am trying so desperately not to feel rejected/isolated/defective. I can’t switch off what I love to do, what I like to think about. I can’t switch off thinking about those I love and ways I can help them. My brain is always puzzling these things out, always communicating with itself and because I have a faith my brain automatically will pray too. I can’t stop how my brain works, I can however let it loop, allow it to feed me positive energy and use that energy to help me in daily life. I can enjoy the visual overlays that inspire me in my days, the reruns and the imaginary conversations. As a child I couldn’t control this and I couldn’t understand why the things I loved to do where taken from me. Why I felt so alone or why I felt so stupid when given something to do that had NO interest to me what.so.ever. My interests are what taught me to eventually learn to read, no one had given me a book I was interested in, so why would I want to read. My passion for learning the truth about Jesus taught me to read.

Having kids, responsibilities and routines helps

I am able to plan and put slots in my day. One thing I enjoy is finding quotes in my coffee quote time. I love to write and paint, sing and play my guitar. I love spending time with my kids and my dogs. I also love spending time with those who love and accept me. I am finding me again. The person God created me to be in all my Aspieness and also in His image.

So after pointing at the front of an apple

Explaining, the best way I could, what my brain works like and how I have had to fake who I am most of my life to avoid ridicule and social rejection. I then spoke on how I have embraced my Aspieness after hiding who I am for nearly 40 years. I am not the person that bends over backwards trying to please everyone just to keep friends anymore. Today when someone I love said to me, “Lisa, hand on heart, you have to admit you are not the easiest person to have to cope with!”

I know this person meant well, I know this person totally loves me. My real self has come as a shock to this person who has only known me imitating my Mom. Not the me who had no close friends and no one who could relate to me. This person only saw what I allowed to be seen.

I thought about the words I wrote down this morning.

It’s not what we look at, it’s what we see.

We don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are…

All the more reason to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus.

I know God created me to be me. So I will listen to Him.

I’m not obsessive, I’m passionate about who God created me to be.

1 Corinthians 13:12

The Message (MSG)

We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

Christmas…what are you about? (My Aspie brothers perspective)

Hello my lovely bloggy friends

This post is a letter about Christmas that I received from my brother the year our Mom died. My brother is Autistic and cannot communicate well with spoken words. He stutters a lot and tends to swear to fit in with those who accept him in society. But I know his heart, and that is not who he really is, it’s the mask he wears.

I keep this letter tucked in the cover of my Bible. I don’t know where he found these thoughts, he may have copied them from a book, but he also does tend to write his own thoughts down and then screws them up, throws them away. He has a very low opinion of himself and calls himself all the names that others have spoken on him. But I know my brother and he is amazing. This letter means the world to me, because he took the time to write it when he knew I was hurting.

************************************************************************************

The True and Real meaning of Christmas

The True Heart of Christmas

Sometimes it’s hard to think about Christmas when the world seems to be going mad. War in Iraq and Ivory Coast they call it “unrest” in Sudan, Africa, Burma and Indonesia. We don’t hear too much about it in the news. Everywhere there is war, violence and hate.

It would be tempting

to think of Christmas as an alternative to the mad, mad world. Carol singing, glowing fires and Christmas trees, presents, sweets and classic films on TV all seem like a magical alternative to the harsh realities of the world. At this time of year it becomes very tempting to avoid the horrors of the news as we wrap ourselves up by the fire with a glass of something nice.

It would be tempting too

to see the Christmas story as an alternative to the reality of the world. There’s the crib, the fluffy animals, the gentle shepherds, the Angels and the three wise men to think on after all.

But the Christmas story is NOT an alternative to the harsh realities of the world: it is “ABOUT” the harsh realities of the world and how God chose to place Himself right at the heart of them. Baby Jesus was born to an unmarried mother in the back of a pub. They were visited by social and religious outcasts and it’s unlikely the animals were fluffy. Almost immediately they found themselves to be asylum seekers, fleeing to Egypt to escape Herod’s violence. And the innocent baby was eventually executed as a criminal, His followers leaving Him to die among thieves.

The Christmas story is about reality, blood and guts, of birth, poverty, war, asylum and violence. And as such, it is still  relevant today as it ever was. That God chose to be among us, live as one of us, live among the poorest and die among criminals, IS THE TRUE HEART OF CHRISTMAS. This is what Christmas is truly about:

“Emmanuel” = God with us.

That God is with us, among the poor, victims of violence, the anxious and the “grieving.” God is with us in our ordinary daily lives as well as our magical moments. God is with us when we find ourselves in trouble as well as when we are joyful. God is with us in the heart of the horrors of the world, as well as in the happy smiles. Loving us and “weeping with us.” This is the REAL Christmas.

May you know God is with you this Christmas – not just in the tinsel wrapped, turkey flavoured festive season, but in the real world and in the realities of your/our real lives.

God is with us because we allowed Him in.

Personal ending from my brother (Can be read on the image)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ASD’s…getting a photo with Santa (memories)

My little *AJ

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends.

Yep that is my *AJ when he was two years old, back in 1995. My little boy grew up too quickly. Santa had to hold him in place for this photo and let him unwrap his gift as a distraction. He burst into tears just seconds after this photo was taken. He didn’t like to be more than 6ft away from Mommy for too long, at any time. I ended up with a bad back from carrying him all around the shopping centre because he screamed his head off every time I tried to put him down. I put my Christmas shopping in his buggy, I place him on my hip and just got on with it. Like we ASD Mom’s do!

I remember the looks I used to get.

I didn’t have a clue why my baby boy would scream so much. I didn’t know about ASD. I didn’t know about Sensory difficulties. I so remember how hard it was and no one really understanding how he could flip so quickly. Quiet little intense puzzle solver to exploding, screaming, sobbing little mess in no time for what seemed no reason. I just knew how to protect him, I knew inside me what was making him hurt. I knew he wasn’t nasty or naughty just confused and needing to feel safe. I remember him kicking out, hitting, biting, scratching and the screaming was so very loud.

I was blaming myself and my situation at this time

*AJ’s Daddy had left us and we were homeless and living each day as it came. I knew I was different but I didn’t know why. My Mom was putting a roof over our head, so were a few other kind people. We lived like this for 12 months, mainly in my car because fitting in with everyone else’s rules and routines was very hard for me. I had had my own home since I was eighteen years old, I had particular ways of doing things and at this point my OCD and cleaning disorder was at a peak. I thought (certain “not.so.nice” people had told me) that I was a bad Mom, that I needed to discipline him and that I was too over protective. They saw him as naughty, I saw him as my baby struggling to understand. Getting so much unwanted negative advice, being told he was out of control, also the looks, smirks, comments behind my back. People can be so VERY damaging, so VERY ignorant, so VERY opinionated AND SO VERY WRONG!

Even though I heard all of this negative I never let it affect who I am as a Mom. My Mom did her best and taught me her loving and accepting ways. She didn’t know either that her three kids were on the spectrum, no one knew back then what that even meant. “Aspergers” my Mom would have thought Aspergers was a root vegetable, or some kind of salad stuff. She just loved us for who we were, her babies.

I learned to imitate my NT Mom so I could fit.

I still wear her beautiful mask every day to fit in with society. But I am 100% JUST like my Mom when it comes to loving my kids, I don’t have to wear a mask it comes naturally, it’s who I am. NO ONE has ever made me doubt that bond. I know deep down in my heart that God gave me my kids because He knew I would love them more than my life and I would willingly give my life to protect them.

To all those negative ninny-types.

YOU…Didn’t change who I am as a Mom. My boy has grown up and learned how to cope with this world and it’s ways. I taught him the best I could, I listened to who I am as his Mom and I dug my heels in. You saw what you wanted to see. WELL SHAME ON YOU! You missed so much by just choosing to be a judge, to be ignorant. I chose for your types not to be part of my children’s hearts. Your ways were explained to them and I prayed for you to see in a new light. You hurt me in how you treated me, but you didn’t stop me from being who I am created to be as a Mom. I am so very proud of both of my kids, I am also proud of myself for getting this far with very little support or knowledge.

I believe that every loving, accepting parent has in them the ability to read their child and know exactly what is best for them.

I put this photo up every year.

It’s the only one I have of my little *AJ with Santa because he was so scared of him, I know why now!

This was taken the year we were homeless. I put it up every year to remind me of those times and to be grateful to God that He gave me the faith, hope, love, strength and courage to get through it.

God is so good!

Jeremiah 29:11-13

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Merry Christmas to all my bloggy friends.

Love and hugs.

Lisa. xx

Autism and Empathy

Hello my lovely Bloggy friends,

You will find me over at Autism and Empathy today.

I would just like to thank Rachel for publishing my post on her website.

For my readers who are not familiar with this site here is a little bit about it, please pop over and take a look around and don’t forget to read my post too!

Love and hugs everyone.

Lisa. xx

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About Autism and Empathy

Image is also a LINK

Autism and Empathy

Dispelling Myths

and Breaking Stereotypes

This site exists to undo the myths about autism and empathy that have stigmatized autistic people for so long.

It features writing by autistic individuals, by autism parents and family members, by autism professionals, and by others who understand that autistic people, all along the spectrum, can experience the world in highly empathetic and sensitive ways. Telling our stories, describing our experiences, and speaking the truth in our own voices, we can break dehumanizing stereotypes and increase understanding.

Rachel Cohen-Rottenberg

Editor and Publisher