Can anyone help me?

Hello my lovely bloggy friends,

This is going to be a quick post!

I need some help, I have a few questions…..

As an Aspie I know that I can overload really quickly.

In the past I have isolated myself and become hard towards others.

This I did to protect myself.

Now that I have allowed my heart to soften and come out of hiding, I have noticed a difference.

I have certain people in my life who are emotionally charged.(I don’t know how else to put it)

I find that after spending time with these people I have an overload of loops to try to calm.

I get really confused and can’t work out which is my problem and what has been put on me.

I was the same when I was in the religious sect.

I would take everything on personally and get totally overwhelmed.

I’d go home feeling like a total wretch and not want to face people for days.

So my questions are……

As Aspie/Auties process and filter differently,

Is it possible that we collect other people’s emotions and complexes, without realising?

Then while filtering later on, guilt ourselves out with misplaced emotions that are not our own!

Has anyone else experienced this?

How did you gain control and stop it happening?

Thank you for helping.

Love and hugs everyone. xx

I don’t believe it…I had tea at the neighbours!

Angel...full of kittens

Hello my lovely bloggy friends,

You can probably guess what this post is about, by my title.

Yes that’s right this Aspie had a cuppa at a neighbour’s house.

This is SO not like the Alienhippy, I have known of and lived by this neighbour for 16 years and only ever said Good morning in passing. I did once talk to her about loft conversions about 3 years after I moved in. But it was a very brief conversation.

Let me tell you what happened today.

I have this cat…her name is Angel, she is not an Angel … AT ALL!!!

She was dumped in my porch, already a cat and without me realising she was already pregnant.

She had her first litter and of course, me being me, I fell instantly in love with these 3 little Ginger Toms.

Then Angel disappeared, occasionally we’d see her but she is a bit of a come and go type of cat.

She returned home a few weeks ago

Yep you guessed right, full of kittens.

I caved and decided to let her have her litter in my conservatory.

She has been sleeping well in my prayer chair and enjoying the extra treat of a tin of tuna a day.

I really thought if she gets something she really enjoys she’ll stay around.

BUT….Oh no! Not Angel, this morning she darted out the door and disappeared again. ugh

She came back at tea time…SKINNY, crap…. where has she left her kittens.

Alienhippy out on a kitten hunt.

That’s right one thing I hate having to do, knock on the neighbour’s doors.

I spent hours going through people’s sheds and in the end I tried one last neighbour.

This neighbour has MASSIVE German Shepherds.

They are beautiful dogs, they guard the house really well.

You see them up the bay window, giving you the eye when you walk back from the Post Office.

Well…I love dogs and cats. Birds, fish, rabbits, chickens, frogs, mice…you name it I’ve kept it.

If I haven’t kept it in the past, I probably will at some point in my future.

I’ve written lots of posts about my pets so I won’t bore you all.

Well anyways…I’ll carry on!

*Annabel invited me in while her hubby *James went mooching through their sheds.

Now this is good…… guess what?

I was actually comfortable in their house, and…I…KNOW…WHY!

Her black and tan German shepherd instantly loved me.

I have a Rottweiler, so a German Shepherd is small and skinny in comparison.

*Annabel told me that not many people dare come into her home, because they are afraid of her dogs.

She also has a Cockatiel, this is a rescue bird, her dogs are rescue dogs too.

My Zazzy was a rescue dog, she was badly treated by someone horrible who stapled her mouth up.

I really don’t understand why anyone would do this!

I was able to chat for quite a while

*Annabel and *James both love their pets, so my chat on pets didn’t bore them.

Also they didn’t mind that I spoke to their dog while speaking to them.

I found it so much easier to talk to them while petting their dog.

Only having to glance at them making eye contact occasionally.

So I actually sat in a neighbour’s house, had a cuppa tea and chatted without being scared.

I still haven’t found the kittens yet.

All of my neighbours know now and they are keeping a look out for where Angel is going.

Hopefully someone will spot her and where her hideout is.

Or maybe she will bring them home herself.

I will have to wait and see I have done all I can.

Bippity, BAPpity, Boo! (via Life in the House That Asperger Built)

Hello my lovely bloggy friends,

I read a post on my friend Laura’s blog today.
This post really spoke to me because of ALL the Autism in my family.
Now we have a diagnosis for both my *CAL and my Dad, it’s hard to see that what we saw before as personality quirks and eccentricity is actually Aspie/Autie stuff.
But in this post Laura’s friend Kim explains beautifully how this all works.
I totally love the last paragraph, it brought tears to my eyes.

Enjoy the read folks, If I can manage this with my dyslexia I know you guys will love it.
Love and hugs. xx

Recently, I was asked if there was such a thing as being “a little Autistic”.  The truth is, there kind of IS such a thing, but I knew I’d never be able to explain it as well as my friend, Kim.  So I asked if she would guest post for me.  AND SHE SAID YES!!! This is, in fact, the Kim Wombles who blogs at Countering….  She’s incredibly smart, a super friend, and a great parent and advocate for her 3 kids on the Spectrum.  If you haven’t discover … Read More

via Life in the House That Asperger Built

Thoughts…Maths Test and the Royal Wedding.

Hello my lovely bloggy friends,

I went into school this afternoon to clarify something that *CAL was trying her very best to explain.

She REALLY wasn’t too sure about the street party they are having at school in celebration of the Royal wedding, and she was quite confused by it all.

I spoke to her teacher and found out that they are all wearing Red White and Blue, also that I haven’t got to provide any food…it is all already sorted. SWEET!!!

After sorting this out…..

We were heading for the door when *CAL’s Math teacher said to her, “*CAL, did you tell your Mom what you got?” (*CAL looked blankly at her, not understanding the question AT ALL)

This teacher was referring to the results to her recent Maths test.

I could tell that this teacher was very pleased with *CAL and what she had achieved.

*CAL stood there looking extremely confused so the teacher reworded her question, this time mentioning the test.

*CAL  still hadn’t got a clue what her Math teacher was talking about and neither had I.

*CAL never remembers to tell me about these sort of things. It just doesn’t occur to her.

This went on for some time and eventually *CAL  remembered the test and told me her results.

BUT…my little girl ABSOLUTELY didn’t understand that what she had achieved was worth talking about.

She got excellent results and is well on target to achieve the goal set for her, but doesn’t understand what that actually means.

I have been thinking about this all afternoon.

My little girl lacks confidence with EVERYTHING, when in fact she doesn’t need to.

She is so very bright.

It’s her not understanding what these things actually mean that is causing the lack of confidence.

I suppose just like me…it’s the “NOT KNOWING” that causes my loops.

*CAL is still dependent so she relies on me to work out her “NOT KNOWING” for her.

So, now I need to try to figure out how to help her understand that whatever she does is praise worthy.

Not just high results, yes they need to be celebrated but so does TRYING, EFFORT and thinking in a positive way.

*CAL needs to know that who she is praise worthy.

She needs to feel GREAT about being *CAL.

Why is it that we all focus so much on achievement, and not on the enjoyment of each day?

I suppose that others would not get enjoyment from Maths. So to do it and excel in results would be an achievement for them.

I guess this is why this teacher brought attention to it, I’m just guessing here.

My kids both enjoy everything they do, they don’t do it to gain, they do for enjoyment.

I work very hard finding ways of making the “not so nice” things into fun things.

This I have done using their special interests, and my own special interests.

Also a little bit of fun and silliness sometimes.

It has taken a lot of thought, love, prayer and self-sacrifice that I am willing to give.

Aspies, well me and my little Aspies anyway…

Work very visually and I have used this to our advantage.

My kids use this now to learn in their own ways.

So learning for them is something they both enjoy doing.

I find it hard though, that people get so excited when my daughter is achieving high grades.

I see all the struggles she has on a personal level with socialising, friendships, conversation.

I know that a NT teacher or anyone really would not think to praise a child on asking a question, finding a way of playing with other children, or wanting to be involved in a group conversation.

These are the things my *CAL struggles to do.

These are also the things that I struggle to do.

So I know from personal experience how it feels to not have friends.

I know how it feels to want to be involved when others are chatting.

I know what it feels like to not be picked to play in a game.

So………I need to get my brain puzzling some Aspie tangents on this.

I don’t think the help is coming anytime soon but I am NOT going to let my lack of ability stop my girl from developing in these areas.

I will do whatever I have to do to help her with this.

Some thoughts from Easter Sunday.

Hello my lovely bloggy friends,

I had to remind myself today what my blog is about.

It’s “A place where I can be me!”

So I’m going to share this here and it will explain a little bit more about the Alienhippy.

I go to a traditional Church, but I don’t consider myself traditional.

I do find the routine quite helpful with my Aspieness. I have tried to be traditional, to fit in, but to be perfectly honest I find trying to fit in WAY too draining. So now when I’m at Church I do what helps me or I don’t feel like going.

I find with my Aspergers that most GOOD sermons can be totally overwhelming. I find I record them in my head and then beat myself up with them trying to remember everything the Vicar said and how he said it. What he actually meant and what God was trying to say to me. Did I get it all or as usual miss the most important bits…..giggle.

For a while, I had a big break from Church

God taught me through ways that were best for me. He reached me through animals, nature and children. I do however see a need to be part of a fellowship. To break bread with other believers.

Taking notes is my best way of coping.

Everything that I hear as helpful to myself I write down for my own personal Bible study. This I have at home in my own environment where I can be totally myself.

I get quite a few funny looks having a note pad and Bible open in the Church that I attend.

Think Songs of Praise…BBC, and you will understand why!

It’s only a small congregation and as well as my note taking I KNOW I’m a fidget.

But you know…I’m totally over it!

And it’s the best Church I have found for me so far.

I know God knows me, accepts me and totally loves me….so everyone who thinks I’m a little strange, eccentric or from a fundamentalist background can think what they want.

What I got from the Easter message.

Please remember that these are just my own personal notes to help me.

The Gospel reading was from John 20:1-18.

Our Vicar started his sermon explaining about a maze he and his young daughter got lost in. It was made of hedges and he thought he’d be able to complete it in no time at all. He was wrong and got totally confused and lost all sense of direction.

**********************************************************

This is taken from my notes.

This is just a small amount of my original notes.

I don’t feel that I want to share everything.

I’m sure you all will understand that.

Jesus used those who had an open heart.

He used those who no one listened to, those of disgrace.

He used those who were despised and rejected.

What is my response to the Risen Jesus?

Do I want to seek the will of God for my life?

Then I need to ask and let God filter in.

God wants to help me, not judge me, we are all His children.

He already knows that I’m not going to be perfect.

All the bad things, they happened to Jesus too!

I can enter into them with God and find a way through.

Or…I can chose to walk away from them.

The choice is mine, I have been given free will.

If I chose to face them, I chose to go to my own personal Jerusalem.

To drink my own cup, and to carry my own cross.

I also then need to walk into the empty tomb believing.

Not stand outside wondering….. or in fear.

No….I need to walk in with faith and trust, believing in the deep mystery of Christ.

Being inspired by the empty tomb.

As Christians we are fascinated by the empty tomb.

The resurrection is in our lives.

We carry His unconditional love and ultimate sacrifice in our hearts.

*****************************************************

Ok….this is what I will be pondering on this week. This will cut down on the many, many loops that could have come from it. Writing down what is relevant to me slows down my thinking and also stops me recording everything. I trust that God opens my ears to what I need to hear.

To finish this off I just have to add my FAVOURITE and most inspiring visual.

I think I’ve used it before, but I don’t care, I just LOVE it!

He is Risen…

Hello my lovely bloggy friends,

Just a quick post I think…but you know me, I do tend to babble somewhat. hehehe

Just a few thoughts I’m going to throw out here.

Do you know that sound….you know the sound, when you pull the plug out of the kitchen sink. You hear the water going down the drain outside because the window is open and the sun is shining.

And…you know when the sun is out and you can hang your nice fresh washing out on the line with all your multi coloured pegs.

Well keep those two things in mind, I’ll come back to them at the end.

I have been in quite a confused place for a while,

My loops have been getting stuck and focussing on all the negatives.

Well yesterday was Good Friday and tomorrow is Easter Sunday…that doesn’t mean a lot to some, but it does to others.

It certainly makes me think!

Yesterday, I sat out in the conservatory for a while with my *AJ. He had helped to clear a space on the patio.

This is harder than it seems, it was a lot of builders mess. We haven’t got much of a patio left after all the building work that was done.

I had just finished putting together a new bookcase and I had my feet up enjoying some rest time.

*AJ too was resting and was playing his guitar and singing.

We was also eating Strawberries, very nice…..

He even let me sing with him. hmmmmmmm…………….

Not many 17 year old boys let their Mom’s sing-a-long you know!

Yep…I’m smiling just thinking about the lovely memory that I have to treasure.

Anyways…..

I thought back to the time when I was homeless and me and *AJ were practically living out the boot of my little Grey Nissan Sunny.

I thought about all the sacrifices I had to make to keep my little lad fed and a roof over his head.

I also thought of all the wonderful people who helped me out in those 12 months.

Those who gave me a sofa to sleep on, food, somewhere to shower and bath my boy.

I thought about the sacrifice my Mom and Dad gave, giving me and *AJ their bedroom.

Then my Brother giving them his bedroom and sleeping on the sofa himself.

This was a particularly hard time in my life and no doubt also for those who gave to me.

Even though I wasn’t really in the right frame of mind to understand and be grateful.

But none of this seems like anything compared to the sacrifice of Jesus.

That He chose to bear all on the cross… for us.

Even though we are not really in the right frame of mind to understand and be grateful.

It’s quite a humbling thought for me, that all I have in comparison is 12 months of not living in my own home.

But isn’t God wonderful!

He only wants us to accept His love and His sacrifice.

He doesn’t want for us to beat ourselves up with feeling unworthy.

I think we have so much to give thanks for over this time.

I bet you are all wondering…….

What about the water going down the drain Lisa?

Where on earth are you going with this my lovely?

Yep…I’m smiling at that too.

AND……let me just remind you, that I’m Aspie and my thoughts go in tangents.

I get inspiration from the most weirdly wonderful things.

When I was homeless I really missed that sound.

I actually missed being able to wash up at my own kitchen sink and hear the water going down the drain after I had finished that job.

I actually missed being able to wash the clothes and hang them out in the garden.

I missed having my basket of multi coloured pegs.

So over this Easter time, my loops have changed.

Because I decided to focus them on the ultimate sacrifice, of Jesus.

Happy Easter everyone….HE IS RISEN.

Here is the song me and my boy were singing.

I’m NOT a happy bunny

Hello my lovely bloggy friends

Well it happened, my pc is now ill.
I picked up something nasty yesterday evening after writing a post.

It was attached to an image that I Googled for my post and now my whole desktop is frozen.
Plus the post I wrote last night is now stuck on my desktop too.

I spent ages last night changing all passwords on EVERYTHING just in case it is a hacker.
What can I say apart from…..I feel crappy.

My computer is my social life, without it I am cut off.

Also all of my photos are now trapped and I can’t see them.
I use my photos daily as visuals prompts to help me through.

All my unpublished poems, and my journals are also trapped on my desktop.

All my art programmes and games are also frozen.

I am going to be very limited on how much time I have to blog.

I only have access through *AJ’s laptop, and he is revising for his AS levels.
So if I am not around you know why.

I know there will come a point where I will actually feel angry at those who send these viruses.
But at the moment I am just really upset.
I’m worrying that I will lose all my photos, poetry and my journals.

I have learnt something though,
I will remember to make copies in the future and save them somewhere safe.

Sorry I am not in a happy place, it seems my loops at the moment are getting the better of me.

But here is a link to a poem that I wrote a while ago about my computer.

I love my blog so much…my really silly poem

Love and hugs. xx

Fitting with the “norm” ?

CAL likes her veg, as long as they don't touch.

Hello my lovely bloggy friends,

I have been thinking today about the upset and emotional damage caused by people who expect those who are high functioning, on the spectrum, to conform entirely and not show any signs of Autism.

I’m talking about people who say they are tolerant when actually they feel that they can fix us.

.

I get a little upset with this kind of thinking.

I don’t need fixing, or curing. I don’t know how to be any other way. It’s how I’ve always been. So wanting to make me into who they want me to be, is just another way of saying I don’t like who you are Lisa, and I want you to be who I want you to be.

This is just a ridiculous notion really,

We are all individuals, we are all unique, none of us are the same.

To my understanding, in this world everyone is struggling to look like they fit in some way or another.

Most people are looking for approval, for whatever reason.

Is pointing out flaws just another form of distraction from self?

Being an Aspie myself

I have had many people in my life who I have wrongfully trusted.

People who I have felt were genuine and accepting of me and of my ways.

Only to find after time, that they only accept a part of me. The part that pleases them.

Any of my different qualities they have found offensive and unacceptable.

They have either told me, or manipulated me into being who they want me to be.

Not who I am, who I am created to be.

Unfortunately in my younger days, the fear of rejection and isolation was so strong I would willingly have done anything to keep the false approval of these “SO CALLED” friends.

The emotional damage caused by this is now something I am having to work through with my counselling.

I took a photo of my CAL the other day

She was eating a whole plate of Broccoli. She doesn’t like things to touch on her plate.

She’s a VERY picky eater and I have to do what I can to get her to try new things.

I know that in some homes of those that know me, CAL eating all this Broccoli would be totally unacceptable.

But this is who she is, and I love her completely.

If this helps her to experience new foods then this is what will be done.

Those who love and accept her for the amazing creation she is, will do this too.

This also made me think,

Why is it then, that because I am 41 now I am suppose to ignore all my Aspie callings?

When my brain is ticking and I need to write it all out, why do some say I need to stop obsessing?

I am what I am, I have always had my special interests. I have always been obsessive.

It’s how I learn, it’s my way, it’s how I’m wired.

I have noticed that as long as what I do is not visible, no one has a problem.

BUT… as soon as I stop bending to everyone else’s beck and call.

Everything that I do is seen as obsessive, selfish or over the top.

Yes I learnt to conform, but in the process I became a bit of a doormat.

Not anymore!!

Just because I’ve grown up, doesn’t mean I’ve grown out of being Autistic.

I’ve just learnt to hide it REALLY REALLY well.

I still want to pace around in circle when I’m upset or stressed.

I still want to focus totally on my own interests.

I still want to do my happy dance when I’m excited.

I still like seeing things spin, I find it calming.

It just seems that the only place that this is acceptable for a 41 year old woman is in God’s eyes,

and with a few very close and loving people.

High functioning Autistics living in a way that is seen as “normal”

In my opinion, are the most amazing, giving, accepting and selfless people I know.

Because I know how hard it is for me to switch off my brain.

To do all that needs to be done to fit into a mould of conformity, that this world says is the norm.

But I ask….. is it really?

Or is being who we are as individuals, far more exciting, interesting and adventurous?

Who knows, we are ALL just doing our best.

Shopping…I have a few thoughts.

My Town Centre...No thank you! WAY too much Jumble.

Hello my lovely bloggy friends,

I haven’t got any great insights to share, or any ranting babbles. I haven’t even got anything of Autistic interest to chat about either. So I just thought I’d share my day.

I decided to go around the shops.

The sun was shining and shopping seems so much more bearable when the sun is out…well it does for me anyway.

I’ll show you why after I explain about where I go shopping.

I live in a big city

Our town centre is a very popular shopping area. People actually travel in on coaches to spend the day in the high street shops.

Me…I ABSOLUTELY HATE our city centre.

I go into town for one reason and one reason only….. The Cathedral.

Yes, I am that boring…I am quite happy to get off the bus go to the Cathedral, then pop to Starbucks for a coffee before getting back on the bus, to go home.

I avoid the shops and the crowds at ALL cost.

I’ll show you some pictures of the area where I enjoy shopping.

I would much rather go to the local village and use their town centre. I don’t care that they haven’t got all the trendy shops and high fashion, extra expensive, latest of what.so.ever. I love the charity shops, they are so much more bearable.

Is it just me or do the people who go into charity shops seem so much more friendly?

I always find nice people to chat to in charity shops, they seem like quite a different sort all together. They don’t all seem rushed and selfish. I was chatting with a lady today about a Lilac dress we were both looking at. There was only one obviously, it was a charity shop, and we weren’t fighting over it, we were both trying to give it to each other.

Last year, I could hardly believe it, I actually witness two women fighting over an Easter egg in a large supermarket. I must say I was appalled…an Easter egg for goodness sake, they were actually physically fighting over an Easter egg.

Do they NOT realise what Easter is about? I mean seriously, is this what the world has come to?

Well…I’d better shut up about that and get on with this post,

It HAS turned into a bit of a babble hasn’t it…giggle.

Here are a few pictures of the buildings around the town where I shop, they are very historic and a lot prettier (in my opinion) than the new buidings in my city centre.

Also where I can get a coffee is a lot more relaxing than Starbucks.

There are quite a few lovely little cafes and they are very “Quaint” yes…that’s about right, “Quaint”

I just looked it up in the dictionary folks, and “Quaint” is definitely the right word.

Oh…It’s so very annoying my dyslexia.

I haven’t been able to find my reading head lately, so please forgive me for not keeping up if I usually comment on your blog. I have an accumulation of posts saved that I really want to read and can only manage the first paragraph before the swirling kicks in.

Right pictures and stop babbling Lisa, before you bore everyone to death.

Love and hugs all. xx

My Town Centre…No thank you! WAY too much Jumble.

Supermarkets and Muddy Puddles (Repost)

Hello my lovely bloggy friends

After the crappy day I had yesterday I thought it would be fun to post one of my happier posts.

I had a look at quite a few and decided I wanted to share this one again.

Supermarkets and Muddy Puddles

What have Supermarkets got to do with muddy puddles I hear you all asking?

Well…….Quite a LOT… if you live in my head actually! Let me explain……

As an aspie one place I hate the most is the supermarket. Everything is SO confusing, I can never find anything so I get flustered.

The fluorescent tube lighting then starts to flicker, I mean I can actually see the lights flickering.

Do any other aspies get that?

Then there is the awful choice of supermarket music  that always seems to hiss in my head.

With worse still the adverts and announcements over the top….that I find slightly deafening.

To top ALL of this confusion… is trying to avoid all the many people and their ramming trolleys.

…………Errrrrrgggh it’s just a nightmare. It’s far too much to take in all at once.

So……………

The Co-op supermarket

I gave up on large supermarket a while ago and just decided it was easier to go to the Co-op.

This is a smaller British supermarket that really only ever has OAP’s and aspies in it…I’m sure of this…hehehe

So when I go shopping at the Co-op, I can actually enjoy the experience. They play pleasant music that me and the kids enjoy dancing along to and very often singing as well. When *AJ Comes with us he will scoot up and down the aisles on the trolley, because the shop is almost empty. While *CAL enjoys spinning around skipping happily and throwing the shopping at the trolley as it flies past.

My Carrot and My Banana

I just had a thought…I should get them to go next time in their Carrot and Banana costumes, can you imagine that.

A dancing Carrot and a scooting Banana….I’m just giggling my head off.

Anyway……Onto Muddy Puddles!

Peppa Pig…jumping in muddy puddles

Do I really need to explain muddy puddles, they are just SO much fun.

When it’s tipping down with rain and you put your wellies on, is there really any better fun than jumping up and down in a muddy puddle.

Or is this just me, my kids and Peppa Pig???

I personally think that secretly… way down deep, everyone would love to dance in the supermarket and jump up and down in muddy puddles.

I could be totally wrong, and sounding like a loon….. but I don’t think I am!!!

WRONG OR A LOON THAT IS!

This morning I didn’t really feel my full self, I was feeling quite down.

Arrrrr…what was wrong Lisa???……… you’re all asking because you all love me so much…

I felt really insecure about who I am!

Then I remembered something!!!

And…….. it’s something you are ALL going to get really sick of hearing me say.

YES…here we go again…….!

“I am Aspie-Happy, I am a multi coloured Rainbow and I turn negativity upside down!”

I also like dancing in supermarkets and jumping in muddy puddles….hehehe

So here is a poem that I wrote for my friend that has also helped me today.

Supermarkets and Muddy Puddles

by Alienhippy

So do we really, really care, what people think of us

They look… they stare… they have a glare

But really given half the chance

Wouldn’t they just love to dance

Around the supermarket

˜

God gave us joy deep in our hearts

So we can make a brand new start

And leave behind the worldly part

And…JUMP IN MUDDY PUDDLES….Woooo-hoooo!!!

˜

So come on Lisa….His love is true

He keeps on writing poems for you

And…making SURE that they get through

So you can just be YOU! XXXX

******************************************************************************

And, here is a video just because I like it and I think you will too. x